1. julie dick says:

    Well said

  2. Kinda have mixed feelings whenever someone apologizes on behalf of someone else. I don’t think they can take blame or responsibility for something they didn’t do(in many ways it’d be toxic if they did.) If someone apologizes to me for something that, say, their friend did, my inward reaction tends to be something like ‘Thank you, but don’t apologize to me when you didn’t do anything wrong.’

    I don’t usually say that out loud, because a lot of times I think that when people do that, they aren’t necessarily saying that they are at fault or anything. They are probably actually using the apology as a way to say that they are sad/angry/embarrassed that someone they know/are involved with is causing a problem. It’s also a way of saying that they don’t approve of that behavior.

    Sometimes I think that’s fine, but that probably shouldn’t be the behavior that is demanded from people at all times. Mainly because when people demand apologies be made on behalf of someone else, they actually are expecting them to take blame and responsibility regardless of whether they’ve done anything wrong. Life is hard enough without taking the blame for other people’s behaviors. Instead, people should look at the situation, and figure out what can be done to change it. Rather than simply apologizing for someone else’s behavior, it’s better to find ways to go out and genuinely repair the damage others did, or look for ways to (constructively) change that person’s mind.

    Same applies to the nation, church, etc.

    I actually have an ironic story about what happened when someone apologized to me for their friend’s behavior. During highschool, I was at a competition, and someone on the opposing team said something I didn’t quite hear, so I didn’t exactly know she was talking about me. Later, her friends found me and profusely apologized for what she said. A little after that, they said ‘Our friend’s homeschooled, so she doesn’t really have social skills’. I accepted their apology and wasn’t upset, but the situation always stuck with me as ironic because, at the time, I myself was homeschooled. They were apologizing to their friend’s rudeness, but in the process they were accidentally being rude and perpetuating an annoying stereotype about homeschoolers.

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