1. Well, at the very least I agree with the assertion that purity rings aren’t that helpful, at least not for the majority of people. A person’s moral convictions and desire to follow God are probably more important. Having a purity ring as a teen wasn’t a huge problem for me, but it was definitely unnecessary and slightly weird. Like, most people weren’t jerks about it, but the fact that the purity rings are worn on one’s ring finger makes it awkward since people don’t usually understand why it’s there.

    Also, one time there was this creepy guy flirting with me, and although he didn’t know what the ring actually was, he basically commented on it in a way that was an extension of his creepy flirting. So, the purity rings can invite a lot of uncomfortable conversations. Honestly, I’m kind of glad the ring broke a couple years before college.

    As far as any naive idealism someone can have about waiting until marriage…that can at least partially be avoided by encouraging caution and an understanding of what marriages actually take to work. Growing up, I heard ideas like the perfect spouse coming to those that wait, but the warnings about the need to choose a spouse carefully drowned the worst of the idealism out. We need to emphasize the fact that a lot of the responsibility to make good relationship and behavioral choices is on the individual.

  2. notleia says:

    Purity culture was/is about emotional “purity” as much as physical. They made it a thoughtcrime to even get crushes, because supposedly you would be “giving away pieces of your heart” and cheating your ordained spouse. That stuff will MESS you UP.

    You come off as a bit callous for expecting people to just get over it because it’s dumb crap, Burnett. You want them to stop talking about it because it shouldn’t be a problem in the first place, but that doesn’t erase the years of damage and probable crap marriages that came about because of it. A lot of people find healing by talking about it, and wanting to prevent the problem from happening again is a good thing, even if you disagree with their methods. Of course, I has a bias because I think you’re sweeping it under the rug and hoping it will go away without you having to do any work.

    • Howdy again, notleia. As always, my thanks for reading.

      Purity culture was/is about emotional “purity” as much as physical. They made it a thoughtcrime to even get crushes, because supposedly you would be “giving away pieces of your heart” and cheating your ordained spouse. That stuff will MESS you UP.

      Yes. It will. It did. Because it’s not biblical. As noted above, I called this the “romance prosperity gospel.” Other authors have figured it out. Josh Harris himself figured it out, and has taken steps to address the damage.

      You come off as a bit callous for expecting people to just get over it because it’s dumb crap, Burnett.

      That’s the risk of addressing these issues in article form, (insert gangster-style over-familiar use of notleia‘s real last name). But no, I don’t expect people to just “get over it.” You’ve projected this onto what I’ve read. As seems your frequent wont. Yet you keep returning. Thanks!

      Anyhow, I clearly finished with: “… They need expressions of firm correction that are immediately coupled with sincere offers of care. In the context of the real Church. In the context of the real gospel.” If this sounds callous, I’m at a loss. But I doubt I’m alone. What, exactly, would you suggest as an alternative to these steps toward healing from the damage of false teaching? “Bitter internet comments” are, at best, a very early first step! 🙂

      You want them to stop talking about it …

      I feel like you’re hearing this from someone’s voice, but it is not mine.

      What I’m saying here is not “these people need to shut up.” I’ve literally said, “We are not required to treat these folks as our moral betters. But these people do need more caring responses from Christians.”

      A lot of people find healing by talking about it, and wanting to prevent the problem from happening again is a good thing …

      I agree.

      Of course, I has a bias because I think you’re sweeping it under the rug and hoping it will go away without you having to do any work.

      Clearly this is how you feel. You are, however, associating me with this sinful approach based on something that is not what I actually believe or written about in this article or in my body of work. It is the same mental association that another (older) kind of Christian makes when he thinks that “going to the movies = sinful corruption by the world.” This kind of association is not a Christian thing to do, or a non-Christian thing to do. It is a very human thing to do. And, alas, I’m unsure I’ll be able to help much with it with a comment in the comments section, though I hope I’m at least clearly communicating.

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